god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We are all done wearing pants today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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