I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she told me i tasted like america
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
