totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
