So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
