i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
