And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
