I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
