and next time when you feel me up, do it right
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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