I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
