Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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