brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
