Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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