she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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