her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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