my mouth tastes like poor choices
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
