and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
