is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
