its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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