At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
