My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
