Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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