i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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