I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
