Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
