I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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