I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
