Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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