I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
