So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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