biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
