My first STD was from a foam party
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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