my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
