Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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