chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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