those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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