I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I enjoy the company of your penis
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
