i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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