I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We talked him into tasing himself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
