I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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