so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drunk is not a location!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
