just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
