If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
