Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
