That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
