I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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