I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
