she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
