I CAN MOONWALK!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
