There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
