I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He shit in the fireplace
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
