Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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