it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
