I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this is an emotional support booty call
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
