I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
